Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
