he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
