you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She said her name was "party"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
