We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
