i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
