I am puke
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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