Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
