"it" just moved
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
