Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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