Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
love makes seman taste better
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
