You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
