Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize