Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
