Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize