not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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