I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
