I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
