He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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