why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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