The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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