I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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