I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
