Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
