If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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