girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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