i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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