My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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