i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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