I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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