69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
