so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it glows. i had to have it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
