Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
