I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
