he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
