I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
