So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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