You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
