He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
