Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
