Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
