Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
