Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
