I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
the raccoons are back...
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