My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
