Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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