Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
