I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just cropdusted the office
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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