dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
