Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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