She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
