I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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