I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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