A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
