is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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