you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize