tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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