Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
