I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
