I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
