i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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