what if every blade of grass was a penis?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
