The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
