maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Never joke about your clitoris.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
