Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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