do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
