i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
