I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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