all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
