Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
