p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Damn victory sex feels great
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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