Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's rum buckets o'clock
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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