Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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