my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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